Narcissistic Abuse examples

Domestic abuse is also referred to as ‘domestic violence or ‘intimate partner violence and it is defined as a type of behavior of a person (abuser) to maintain control and power over their partner as is seen in narcissistic abuse. 

Victims of narcissistic domestic abuse may include a child, or relative, or any other household member. Narcissistic domestic abuse involves intense emotional and psychological abuse caused by subjecting the victim to constant manipulation to be controlled by the abuser.

During narcissistic domestic abuse, the narcissistic partner may make the victim feel embarrassed and make them a laughing stock in front of their friends and family. Narcissistic partners often put down their victim’s accomplishments, discarding them as if they mean nothing, whereas, they demand excessive praise and admiration when they achieve any milestone but fail to acknowledge the achievements of others. 

Narcissistic domestic abuse can also progress to violence depending on narcissists fluctuating mood and they may even hit, stab, shove, or push the victim causing them pain and physical hurt. 

Narcissists are experts at shifting the blame on others and whenever they behave aggressively they shift the blame on the victim for making them act this certain way. This leaves the victim doubting and instills self-doubt and loss of self-worth as they began second-guessing their choices. 

Narcissist partners are very controlling and to exert their power they usually ask their victims to cut off contact with their friends and family such that they are isolated and have no support group and are left to feel miserable without being able to share it with anyone. 

Usually, after a fight, narcissists give their victims silent treatment as a means to show that they are annoyed and angry at them. This behavior is referred to as ‘stonewalling’ and causes immense grief to the victim as their partner leaves them stranded. 

It is not surprising that the victims are often doubting if they are the narcissist or the victim due to being subjected to constant manipulation and blaming at the hand of their abuser. Victims are so depressed and upset with the fragile mental and physical state that they are living in due to the abuser’s behavior and they are called names so many times that they internalize the abuse, considering it as true.

So if you are having difficulty in understanding the dynamics of your relationship as to who is the abuser and victim, you can read through the following paragraphs to question yourself whether you are the victim or not.

Narcissistic Withdrawal and Treatment

Narcissists are not bothered at being called a narcissist. So if you are anxious and worried if you are a narcissist and want it to change, chances are that you are not a narcissist since a narcissist never desires to change because according to them, they have never been wrong. As narcissists lack empathy they don’t care what troubles they cause or how many people they have hurt as they maintain their power dynamics and keep everything in control. 

Narcissists are always found to be projecting which means that they are often shifting the blame on you. They project their toxic traits at you even though they are the ones possessing them. If you find a narcissist calling you greedy or selfish it is likely because they are the ones who possess these traits. 

When narcissists use the tactic of projection they achieve what they want- they dismiss all responsibility for their behavior and make you feel bad about yourself for being the cause of their attitude. Narcissists use gaslighting into making you believe that you are wrong, making you doubt yourself. 

Being a victim you feel that you are deserving of abuse that your narcissistic partner or parent inflicts upon you. Since there is no logical reason or explanation for the behavior of a narcissist you start thinking that you were the cause of infuriating them which made them hurl abuse at you. It is not wrong to give someone a margin for something wrong that they do but it is not acceptable to let someone abuse you thinking that you were the cause since abuse is not acceptable, regardless of the cause.

Do not react to abuse since it is a vicious cycle because once you react and show your anger to the abuser when they are shouting and yelling at you, they will take this incident against you on multiple occasions in the future, making you look at fault. So you are not a narcissist when you spoke up for yourself once in a while. Try to be self-aware and do not blame yourself for the shortcomings as this is the goal of the abuser and you should not let them succeed at it.

If you are still confused as to who is the abuser in your relation ask yourself these quick questions:

• Has anyone else called you selfish, crazy, or too sensitive?
• Do you find it difficult to remember events when you are in another company?
• Do all the shortcomings happen between you and your abuser or does it happen in other relations that you are linked with?
• Does others’ well-being matter to you?
•  Do you have a hidden motive when you care about others?