How To Stop Being Codependent

One of the most important questions that couples in a relationship ask is how to be independent or how to heal from codependency in a relationship. Recovering from codependency can be a long-term process and involves self-awareness and psychoeducation. 

Codependency and anxiety go hand and hand and so the realization of codependency can cause anxiety initially and if appropriate codependency exercises and practices are not initiated, this transient anxiety can progress to long-term anxiety.  

Learn What A Healthy Relationship Looks Like

Although not all toxic relationships are codependent, they are all unhealthy in general.

This isn’t to say that codependent relationships can’t work. It’ll simply take a little effort to get everything back on track. Learning what a balanced, non-codependent relationship looks like is one of the first stages of doing so.

Healthy love is characterized by a cycle of contentment and comfort while toxic love is characterized by a circle of anguish and despair.

A few other signs of a happy relationship are:

• Partners have faith in each other and in themselves
• Both spouses are confident in their own values.
• Partners are able to compromise

Your spouse should be concerned about your feelings in a healthy relationship, and you should feel free to express your feelings and needs. You should also be able to express an opinion that varies from your partner’s or refuses something that is incompatible with your personal desires.

Set Limits For Yourself

A boundary is a barrier you set around something you don’t like. They aren’t always easy to establish or maintain, especially if you have a lengthy history of codependency. You may be so used to making others feel at ease that you are oblivious to your own limitations.

It may take some effort to be able to consistently and firmly respect your own limits, but the following techniques can help:

Pay attention with empathy, but don’t go any further. Don’t provide answers or try to solve the situation for them unless you’re directly involved in it.

Make courteous refusals a habit. “I’m sorry, but I’m not available right now” or “I’d rather not now, but maybe later” are two options.

Inquire within yourself. Ask yourself these questions before you do anything:

• Why am I acting in this manner?
• Is it something I want to accomplish or something I feel obligated to do?
• Will this deplete any of my assets?
• Will I have enough stamina to fulfill my own requirements?
• Always keep in mind that you can only manage your own behavior.

Wanting to control someone else’s behavior rarely works well. However, if you consider your ability to assist and look after your partner to be a source of validation, failing to do so can make you very unhappy.

Their unwillingness to adjust may irritate you. You might be bitter or frustrated that your efforts to help were ineffective. These feelings can either make you feel worthless or make you even more driven to try harder and repeat the cycle.

What can you do to break this cycle?

Remind yourself that you are the only one who has control over you. It is your job to control your own actions and reactions. You are not accountable for your partner’s or anyone else’s behavior.

Provide Wholesome Assistance

While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to assist your partner, there are methods to do so without jeopardizing your own needs.

Support for a healthy lifestyle could include:

• Having a conversation about a topic can help you see things from a different perspective.
• Paying attention to your partner’s problems or concerns
• Instead of advocating for them, we should talk about alternative solutions with them.
• When asked for suggestions or recommendations, step back and allow them to make their own decision.
• Compassion and acceptance are offered

Remember that you can express your love for your partner by spending quality time with them and being available to them rather than trying to control or influence their conduct. Couples should value one another for who they are rather than what they do for one another.

Make An Effort To Value Oneself

Low self-esteem and codependency are frequently connected. Developing a feeling of self-worth that isn’t based on your capacity to care for others can be difficult if your self-worth is based on your ability to take care of others.

Higher self-worth, on the other hand, might boost your self-confidence, happiness, and self-esteem. All of this can help you articulate your needs and establish boundaries, both of which are essential for resolving codependency.

It requires learning to value yourself. These pointers can help you get started:

Hang out with people who are considerate of you. Even when you’re ready to move on, it’s not always simple to leave a relationship. Meanwhile, surround yourself with good individuals who respect you and are willing to embrace and support you. Limit your interactions with people that sap your energy and make you feel lousy about yourself.

Engage in activities that you enjoy. Perhaps the time you’ve spent caring for others has kept you from engaging in hobbies or other pursuits. Whether it’s reading a book or going for a stroll, try to set aside time each day to do things that make you happy.

Take good care of yourself. Caring for your body might also help you feel better emotionally. Check to see if you’re eating on a regular basis and getting adequate rest each night. These are basic requirements that you are entitled to have met.

Negative self-talk must be let go of. If you have a tendency to criticize yourself, confront and recast these negative thoughts so that you can instead affirm yourself. Instead of telling yourself, “I’m no good,” remind yourself, “I’m trying my hardest.”

Define Your Own Needs

It’s important to remember that codependent patterns often start in childhood. It’s possible that you haven’t given much thought to your personal needs and desires in a long time.

Ask yourself what you want out of life, regardless of what others want. Do you wish to be in a relationship? Is there a family? Is there a specific position that you’re looking for? Is it possible to relocate? Try writing in a notebook about anything that comes up as a result of these questions.

Trying new things can be beneficial. If you’re not sure what you want to do with your life, start with something you’re interested in. You may discover that you have a gift or expertise that you were previously unaware of.

Think About Going To Therapy

Codependent characteristics might become so ingrained in your personality and conduct that you may struggle to recognize them on your own. Even when you are aware of them, codependency can be difficult to overcome on your own.

If you’re trying to combat codependency, Biros suggests seeing a psychotherapist who has expertise in working with people who are recovering from this difficult problem.

They can assist you in the following ways:

• Recognize trends of codependent behavior and take actions to address them.
• Increase your self-esteem by working on it.
• Find out what you want out of life.
• Negative thought patterns should be reframed and challenged.

When you keep focusing your attention outside of yourself and you will find yourself powerless. This can lead to emotions of despair and helplessness over time, which can lead to depression.

Codependency is a difficult problem to overcome, but with little effort, you can conquer it and begin to form more healthy relationships that meet your needs as well.