Covert Incest

Usually, covert incest happens between a parent and a child, but it can be with any other adult caregiver, such as a toxic grandmother, foster parent, or stepparent. Additionally, emotional incest can arise from close interactions with teachers, coaches, or other adults. The emotional lives of children are infiltrated by emotional incest when adults expect children to cater to their needs instead of the other way around.

Some instances of emotional incest among parents and children are demonstrated below.

A Parent Seeks The Emotional Support Of A Child.

In emotional incest relationships, the parent views the child as compared to how they would see a close friend, spouse, or their own parent. They may disclose personal issues to the child and seek counsel, solace, and support. They want their children to answer as an adult would, despite the fact that this is beyond the child’s level of development. Children may be coerced into assuming this position and will do anything to satisfy and please their parents.

Healthy parent-child interactions are characterized by proper limits. It is understood that parents provide emotional support to their children while seeking emotional support from other sources, such as a partner, friend, or therapist. Parents are aware of and respectful of their children’s limitations and do not subject them to unreasonable demands. They treat them as children rather than grownups.

Parent Expects Child To Prioritize Parental Needs.

Emotional incest is characterized by parental demands that a child fulfills their desires. Whether it be affection, love, or attention, these children are expected to drop whatever they are doing and assist in meeting these requirements of their parents. For instance, a parent may expect their child to console them when they are depressed, even if it meant losing out on a sporting event or a playdate.

In healthy relationships, parents prioritize their children’s needs and go to other adults for guidance and solace. Healthy parents do not subject their children to unsuitable expectations or expect them to fulfill their demands. They acknowledge that the child has his own life and desire to devote time and attention to the things that are significant to them, such as friends, school, and hobbies.

The parent Does Not Support and Respect Child’s Boundaries

Parents who engage in emotional incest do not appreciate the growing independence, autonomy, and privacy demands of their children. They might cross the line by spying on their child’s phone or room without a valid reason. In addition, they may forbid playdates and sleepovers to keep their children from forming bonds with others. The emotionally incestuous parent’s sense of security is threatened by the child’s maturity and independence, and they would do whatever to prevent this from occurring.

As children mature, they require more independence, privacy, and autonomy, as do their parents. Even though it may be tough to release the restraints, healthy parents do so in a manner consistent with the child’s age and level of maturity. Children are slowly given more independence and are encouraged to “fly the coop” when they are mature enough to do so.

Parent Is Inappropriately Romantic With the Child

Some parents who engage in emotional incest approach their children as if they were romantic partners. They may communicate with their child unwanted information about their sexual encounters or romantic life. In addition, they may take their children on dates or engage in other behaviors that should be kept for a love relationship. If a parent engages in sexually inappropriate behavior with their child, this constitutes physical incest and sexual abuse, not emotional incest.

In healthy families, parents and children have clearly defined and appropriate roles. Children are not exposed to unsuitable information by their parents. Roles are clear, and children are regarded as children and not as love partners.